Do you ever feel lonely? Silly question it might be but, I often wonder if people feel the same way.
Lately, more often now than before, maybe because I’m stuck at home now and only leaving once a month, I find myself feeling lonely. Not physically. I’m surrounded by my family and speak to my friends often. I enjoy doing things that at the moment give me joy. But that joy feels fleeting sometimes. I just feel emotionally lonely.
I don’t know how to describe it. Surprising for a writer, but there are so many emotions bouncing around in my chest. But they go away when the world goes quiet. The best I can describe it as is like being the side character in a movie. One in which my life is like an afterthought. I feel like my life would be over in a three-minute reel.
I spend quite a lot of time planning. Trips. Ideas. Books. Experiences. But I don’t actually do any of them. Given that we’re in a pandemic and can’t really travel or go places right now, I get it. I just wonder if we weren’t in the midst of a pandemic if I would do anything that I’ve planned.
So maybe lonely isn’t the right word. Maybe I’m empty. Maybe my life is empty and the things that I spend filling it are all meaningless. I’m surrounded by love and I know that I am loved but I can’t help that loneliness.