My First Experience With Anxiety and My Journey so Far

This past week I have been feeling a bit out of sorts. A lot of things are happening, scary things, related to COVID. Our cases are steadily rising as the rate of infection increases. We are seeing more people being admitted to the hospitals and taking longer to recover. Just last week one of my work colleagues and her sister passed away as a result of the virus. We are in the midst of another lockdown and only essential workers are allowed to work. All this as resulted in my anxiety slowly creeping in again.

I honestly thought for a moment that I had beaten it because it has been a while since I’ve felt its touch. You may know that I suffered from mild to moderate anxiety and frequent panic attacks during 2018. I was stressed about a lot of things and it took a toll. After trying and failing to cope on my own, I went to therapy through my work. Although it was only a few sessions, the tactics and homework from the counsellor and effort on my path really helped me. It was during that time, I found yoga and really got into meditation as well.

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It was a period of distress and yet discovery for me. I found self-care practices that I have incorporated into my daily life and learned to let go of the uncontrollable. It was silly of me to think that it would never affect me again. The lack of symptoms made me wonder if I could even claim that I had anxiety. It seems that so many who suffered from it, battle it regularly. But I must remind myself that anxiety like any illness, looks different for everyone.

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As I feel its presence like a dark cloud hovering over me, a sense of dread lingers in my mind. I don’t want to go through that again. Panic attacks suck. It holds your mind and body at its mercy, keeping every part of you under its spell. It’s been a struggle to fall asleep these nights. That feeling of irrational fear is unnerving. Why is it worse before bed anyway?

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Sigh.

Honestly, I had other intentions for this post but my mind has spoken. Hope you like this impromptu post.

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Thank you for reading.

AmethystAP

2 Replies to “My First Experience With Anxiety and My Journey so Far”

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