Friendships: What to Do When You Feel Like You Don’t Matter Anymore?

Really I’m asking. For some reason, as each of my girlfriend’s get involved in a committed relationship, get married or start a family, the less connected I feel. Slowly the messages and calls stops. Then one day you realise that you’re the only one checking in and asking, Are you okay? How’s life? I’m missing you.

I’ll get a message once in a blue moon saying hi back and how are you, then nothing again. I’ll reach out sometime later only to get no response. And slowly, my circle of friends have reduced to three.

Next thing I know I feel like we are becoming two.

I’m writing this now because of a person I consider a close friend, one of my BFFs. She got married last year and the messages slowly started to trickle. I understand that big life events requires some adjustments. I know sometimes you need space to adapt. But it seemed like we are just getting further apart.

I finally messaged today. Hi, how are you?

I was on lunch break at work so I couldn’t check back into my messages. Finally when I got home I checked my messages to see:

Hi, I’m good. How are you?

Then…

You know I had my baby boy.

Like what, baby boy?! I’d didn’t even know you were pregnant.

Immediately, I responded with surprise and asked for clarification. I was confused and didn’t what to misinterpret.

I messaged my other BFF to get her response. She knew nothing either. She was equally as surprised and a bit hurt, like me.

Currently, waiting on a response from the new mom.

But damn, am I wrong to feel neglected and hurt. Or should I be more considerate of her feelings. I don’t know what she’s going true right now. I hope she’s fine and I wish her well with her new family.

I’m just wondering if I should keep reaching out. Or should I spare my heart and cut it off.

Sigh…

Friendships, what a rollercoaster.

I finally got a message from her later that night. We messaged a while and then she called to catch up. After listening to her, I understand that she needed space and time to adjust. That she was afraid to say anything until things were certain.

I understand and appreciate now that not every friend will cut you off because they stop messaging. Sometimes they just need space to cope and adjust to new changes. I feel so much better after chatting with her and listening to her story. We have a lot more to catch up on but I am confident that we are okay in this moment.

Sometimes friendships go through periods of change and adjustment. As time flows by, situations and people change. We require different things. Tonight was a great lesson and reminder to not judge every person and perceived situation the same. You can never know what others are going through. Sometimes patience is needed. Sometimes locking off persons is necessary. Sometimes distance is required. But most importantly love, support, a listening ear and communication are required for a healthy, nurturing relationship.

I’m so glad we’re still three.

Thank you for reading.

AmethystAP

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