The 5 Love Languages: The Secret to Love that Lasts by Gary Chapman

Love Languages? What do you mean by love languages? What is a love language? According to Dr. Gary Chapman a love language is how we receive love from others. There are five main categories: words of affirmation, acts of service, receiving gifts, quality time and physical touch. Like any spoken language such as English or Spanish, there are dialects within each category which means that we can speak the same language with nuances.

As with any form of communication , you have to speak the right language with the right people in order to understand each other. You wouldn’t go speak English to someone who only understands Japanese and expect them to understand you. With some trial and error you may eventually get the gist of the message but communication will be froth with misunderstandings and frustration.

The same can happen when trying to express love to your partner, children, friend or anyone really. Therefore it stands to say that by learning each other’s love language, you will be able to express love in the most relatable way for each person. Thereby filling up their “love tank” and building stronger relationships.

I thought this book was a fascinating read. The information wasn’t shocking or new, per se but Dr. Chapman was able to verbalise and put a name to concepts that we may have already know. Having something laid out to you, with a name to use to describe its attributes definitely makes communicating easier. It is the basis of all communication. This is a must-read book, in my opinion, for everyone.

This book is a tool to help you better love the people in your lives. It can help your relationship with your children because you know how to love them. They grow up to be secure in love and fulfilled with a sense of worth and understanding. It can help you get closer to someone in your life or repair a rift in a relationship.

Dr. Chapman is senior associate pastor at Calvary Baptist Church and as a result this book mentions aspects of the bible. But not any way to convert or persuade someone to his beliefs. Additionally, the concepts are laid out in simple terms, making it easy to understand and suitable for most persons to read. I enjoyed reading about his journey to realising the love languages, the stories of his sessions with couples and the insights he gained.

This is an impactful and practical book that you can read on your own or with your partner. Tips and suggestions are included for each love language and at the end of the book there is an assessment to help you determine you and your partner’s love language.

My rating for The 5 Love Languages: The Secret to Love that Lasts is 5 out of 5 stars.


“People tend to criticize their spouse most loudly in the area where they themselves have the deepest emotional need.”

“Our most basic emotional need is not to fall in love but to be genuinely loved by another, to know a love that grows out of reason and choice, not instinct. I need to be loved by someone who chooses to love me, who sees in me something worth loving. That kind of love requires effort and discipline. It is the choice to expend energy in an effort to benefit the other person, knowing that if his or her life is enriched by your effort, you too will find a sense of satisfaction—the satisfaction of having genuinely”

“We speak and understand best our native language. We feel most comfortable speaking that language. The more we use a secondary language, the more comfortable we become conversing in it. If we speak only our primary language and encounter someone else who speaks only his or her primary language, which is different from ours, our communication will be limited. We must rely on pointing, grunting, drawing pictures, or acting out our ideas. We can communicate, but it is awkward.”

Thank you for reading.


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